you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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