If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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