my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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