I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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