Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
