"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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