At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Found the puke drawer
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
