The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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