Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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