I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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