i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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