the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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