Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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