she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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