Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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