You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
