That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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