he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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