If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
nutella sex= disaster
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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