If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
