I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
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We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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