How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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