i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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