You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
