Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
