me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
