it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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