um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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