I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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