in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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