I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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