defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
