she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
