I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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