It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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