omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
