you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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