this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
