peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
