i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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