Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
