I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
