....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
