His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I love you. Go after that dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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