yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
