My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
