Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
