I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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