can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
