I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
