Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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