he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
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seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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