Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
