she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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