I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
