Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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