I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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