I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
