Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
