Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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