Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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