omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
