Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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