im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
